32

I turn 32 today. It’s real live adult territory, I’m a full on grown up. Though I have to admit, I’m not exactly where I thought I’d be at 32…

…At 15 I was sure I’d be a doctor and married to a George Clooney doppelgänger (I was an ER fan). We’d have three kids that I started having at 21, because I didn’t want to be an “old mom”.

…At 20 I was sure I’d be married to my university boyfriend and we’d both be working for the UNHCR or UNICEF or something like that and jet-setting around the world saving it single-handedly. Or rather, empowering the developing world to save themselves. I would no longer be co-dependant, something my university boyfriend convinced me I was.

…At 22 I was sure I’d have a PhD in feminist political theory and how it was being played out in grass roots international development. I’d be renowned for bridging the gap between the activist and academic communities.

…At 23 I had turned cynical and was sure I’d be ugly and poor. I was convinced that 32 year olds don’t still have their looks and non-profit workers don’t make more than $30,000 a year. In hindsight this attitude my have just been a way for me to justify the money I spent and the attention I sought at the time.

…At 25 I was sure I’d be working for myself throwing giant benefit concerts for worthy international causes. I’d be a fancy night owl and have a hot and well respected musician husband.

…At 27 I was sure I didn’t want a husband. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t know what job I wanted or where I would end up. I just wanted to be happy, which seemed to be so far off at the time.

…At 30 I was sure I’d be en route to Calgary. I had conceded that that’s where I’d have to go to find a job, to make enough money to pay off my debts, and to meet a man. I felt like staying in Victoria was just delaying the inevitable, but it was just so hard to leave.

And then life unfolded. I got my dream job and it only gets more exciting and fulfilling with every week. I met my dream man and I’ve never been happier with anyone. We live together in a condo that we have a financial stake in. I’m debt free. I’m healthy and have been getting healthier. And I live in the most beautiful city in Canada, surrounded by the best people I’ve ever met.

While I’m certainly not where I thought I’d be, I couldn’t be happier with where I ended up.

 

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