Another Love Lesson

About a year ago I wrote this post: Some love lessons I’ve learned.

I stand by those 8 lessons, through and through. While some of them really hurt to figure out, it’s a shame that I didn’t learn most of them until I was in my 30’s. But I know them now and I’m a better person for it.

I’d like to add one more love lesson to the list this year: The right partner won’t make you crazy.

**I want to preface what I’m about to say with the fact that I don’t think it is ever okay to call your partner or ex-partner crazy. If you find yourself even thinking these words, especially if it’s about more than one person, you probably need to take a look in the mirror.**

That said, I have definitely been a misbehaving girlfriend in the past. I have forced regular conversations on the state of our union after only a month. I have cried so much more than is appropriate for an almost grown woman to cry, just to get a reaction. I once called an ex 18 times in one hour. In one hour. It was in the early 2000’s, before I understood how caller id worked, but still. I am not proud of how I have acted in the past, to the point that I have questioned, on several occasions, whether I was even capable of a relationship.

And then I met Kurt and things were totally different. I was totally different. If Kurt takes a few hours to text me back, I don’t spend those hours questioning the status of our relationship. I worry that he fell asleep somewhere. If a girl I don’t know writes something that may or may not be flirty on his Facebook timeline, I might ask him about it. Or I might forget to, because it is 100% not important. If he goes out with his friends on a Saturday night, it makes no difference to me if he comes home at 11pm or 5am, because I am sound asleep, anxiety free. And so on.

Being with the right person has taught me so much, about love and life and about myself. I used to think that relationships would turn me into an insecure, needy, anxiety-ridden human and that was just a fact of my life. Turns out, I was just in relationships with the wrong men.  Men who brought those things out in me because, despite our feelings, were not right. For the first time in my entire life, I’m in a relationship that makes me feel calm and safe and confident and secure. And absolutely not crazy.

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Life Lottery Win #4

I had minor surgery last week. Over the last 17 years, I’ve watched a little lump on my neck (a harmless, benign cyst) grow from the size of a mosquito bite into the size of a large marble and last Thursday was the day that I finally got it removed.

Here are some facts about that:

  • Getting the lump removed was my choice.  I had the autonomy to decide if I wanted to let it grow or have it removed with surgery.
  • The whole process involved an appointment with my doctor, an appointment with a specialist, the surgery and a follow up appointment. I paid $0 for the entire thing.
  • The hospital I attended was sterile and clean. It had running water and reliable electricity.
  • My boyfriend drove me to and from the appointment. It was about a 40 minute round trip.
  • I felt surprisingly fine afterwards, so I went into the office. But I didn’t have to. I could have worked from home or not worked at all and my employer would have been fine with that.

Every day at my job I read and share the stories of people in the developing world who have similar conditions–small lumps that grow into bigger lumps–but entirely different experiences. They have no choice but to let the lump grow until it takes over their life. If (and it’s a big if) medical help is available, it is likely unaffordable or inaccessible.

Being born in Canada, where the above facts are just a given,  is such a great blessing.