Some love lessons I’ve learned

1. Just because someone is your best friend, doesn’t mean it’s going to work out romantically, but the guy it works out romantically with will be your best friend.

2. If diamond fireworks go off and sparkly butterflies fly the first time you lock eyes, well, that means nothing. You are not destined to be together or guaranteed magical compatibility. Don’t let those butterflies and fireworks carry more weight than they’re worth.

3. Honesty is the only thing. Of course you shouldn’t say you’re cool with casual when you want more, or vice versa. But you also have to be honest about your needs. I’m a weirdo and need a lot of space and a lot of affection at the same time. In the past I’ve downplayed one or the other, always with hurtful results. Honesty is best.

4. Like it or not, you have a type. And if you date different versions of the same aloof and grumpy creative genius over and over again and it never works out, why not try your hand at the super positive and funny guy with kind eyes who possesses both ambition and tenderness? Not to personalize or anything.

5. “Guys like us, we enthral and then we disappoint.” — Ted Danson’s character in the first episode of Bored to Death. This is an actual breed of man that exists in life. They are the worst.

6. The female half of one of the best relationships I know has said that no matter how she feels, she will always try to fix her hair or throw on some blush before her husband gets home. She knows how lucky she is and she wants him to get the best version of herself. If you have a partner who makes you feel so lucky every single day, you have to put a little extra effort in. Give longer back rubs, make home cooked meals, show your appreciation and treat them the way they deserve. I need to do this more.

7. There are a lot of awesome things about being single, most notably, doing whatever the f*ck you want. Take advantage of that, because you’re not going to be single forever. Tomorrow might be the day you meet the love of your life.

8. The Price of Admission from Dan Savage. This short video changed my life. Everyone who is in a relationship or ever wants to be should watch this video:

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Love songs that used to be my love songs

The Sweetest Thing by U2

This was me and my high school sweetheart’s song. I have brown eyes, he has blue. He loved U2. I hated them but could tolerate this song. To two 16-year-olds that seemed to make it the perfect choice.

Black by Pearl Jam

He was a 24-year-old unemployed philosophy grad with rock star fantasies. I was 18. To me he was a dream. I used to sit in the bathtub and listen to him belt this song out, because according to him, the bathroom had the best acoustics.

Into My Arms by Nick Cave
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This song always made me think of him, partly because it is beautiful and partly because it was the only music we listened to that wasn’t Dido or punk rock.
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Bonnie and Clyde by Beyonce and Jay-Z
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This was not my choice. I was voting for Bubble Toes by Jack Johnson. I think I once heard that this song is about a gun.
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You Really Got A Hold on Me by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
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This wasn’t officially our song, but during the two years we were together it was in my head constantly. Never before has a song captured my feelings for someone better than this one.
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I met my boyfriend on Twitter

I must have joined twitter sometime in 2010. I joined because my friend Jen told me to and stayed because all my favourite bloggers were there, the people were funny and it was a great way to get the news. Like anyone new to anything, especially twitter, I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing. I was grateful for the handful of people who engaged with me early on with likes and @ replies, making me feel like I was doing it right. FYI I know what I dork I sound like to non twitter people. Kurt (@kurtbronson) was one of these people. Because of this, he stood out to me right away. Also because I thought his little picture was cute and he was really funny. He stood out, but that’s all. Nothing more.

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Life for me (and him) went on, as it does. I dated people in real life. So did he. We chatted a bit online every now and then, mostly about music, but that was it.
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One day in May 2012 I woke up with the realisation that it had been over 8 months since I’d even had a date and the motivation to do something about it. I started asking people out…over social media of course, I’m not that brave. I sent out all sorts of messages to the guys I’d met in passing through work or hobbies or wherever. Not one of them said yes. Literally none of them. In fact, not one of them even responded to me! You’d think I’d be discouraged, but I didn’t really care, I had nothing invested in any of these men. Any discouragement I felt was because I was running out of people to ask for a date. Then I remembered that cute, funny guy from twitter. Because we had never even met before I thought I’d try to open the conversation in a flirty way and see where that might take us. I sent him a link to an Os Mutantes song and was like, Oh hey there. I was listening to this the other day and I thought you might like it. His response? Oh. Thanks. Why are you sending me this? Right. And I went back to pursuing men I met in real life.
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In late 2012 Kurt and I started engaging more than we ever had. Liking every Instagram pic, DM’ing about the perks of living alone, faving all sorts of tweets. Again, I know I’m a dork.  At the time I was 100% sure he was e-courting me. As it turns out I was 200% not even on his radar at the time. Then one day in late January we spent the day DM’ing back and forth about music and life and nothing and everything. As my friends and I extensively internet stalked him, trying to get a glimpse of what he might look like beyond his little avatar, he realised he may as well take a chance and asked me for hot chocolate. On Monday January 28th, we met. Then we had dinner that Wednesday and then again on Sunday. And then a couple of times every week since then. This past Tuesday was our one year anniversary, and when I had to cancel our fancy dinner plans due to illness, he showed up at my place with four bouquets of flowers and Thai takeout. Yes, I know how lucky I am.
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I’ll admit that life before Kurt was awesome. I was single for years (minus a few months here and there) and for the most part, I loved everything about it. I promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with someone unless they made my life more awesome, and the bar was high. Kurt blew that bar away, far, far, away. He’s even better than the guys in the movies. And I met him on Twitter. Who would have thought?